Beyond the sunset
by My Sweet Selene
Summary: 1981. James and Lily Potter are dead. But James was not the only one to love Lily. Severus, her first love has not been invited to the funeral. He is sought by the Ministry for being a DE. From a hiding place he observes the funeral. This are his thoughts


Beyond the Sunset  
  
Disclaimer: We all know who owns the HP universe and all its characters.  
  
A/N: Well, I know, I haven't written for a long time, for several reasons. But now I think it's time to start again. This is a story which has been haunting me for some months. Blackmore's Night "Beyond the sunset" inspired me the first time I heard it and this popped immediately into my mind only to be ignored for far too long. Hence the title. It is hard to describe this as a songfic as there are no lyrics, but in a kind of way it is. Let's call it a music fic. It's Severus' thoughts at Lily's and James' funeral. As ever, please review. It really helps me to continue writing. And thanks to all who read my stuff so far. I love you all. Severina  
  
So, this is it finally. The day has come. The day I most dreaded in my life. Or should I say in what it has been up to now? My life hasn't been very long at this date and neither has yours. Though, I fear that mine will be a lot longer. Damn, I deserve to be in your place and you in mine. Why did the Fates weave our destinies like this? It's not fair! I don't you to where you are. The whole situation wouldn't be so wrong it he wasn't the person who is with you now but me. I should be in his place! Gods, I hate him so much.  
  
The place is still empty. The sun is shining brightly in the sky. At this season of the year it should be raining cats and dogs. But it isn't. Instead, the weather is just fine, as if it had decided to mock what will be happening here soon. As if Heaven was smiling. There are even birds singing cheerfully in the trees around here. The leaves even seem to have decided not to fall to the ground today. It all just looks so peaceful and idyllic. This is so ridiculous. Inside me, everything wants to scream, but I fight down the urge. I shall not be discovered. But they won't understand it, once they put you in a drawer, you'll never really make it out of it.  
  
There you are coming. And him too. And along all these people with you. I heard you have a son now. Is he here, too? The row of people is slowly approaching, walking in silence. I recognise many of the faces. Black is there. Why can he be present and not me? Where is justice when you need her the most? I don't know the answer but she has to be far, far away. I see Lupin - Remus. We once were friends for a short time. A very small time, indeed. McGonagall, Dumbledore, Hagrid. Flitwick. He is crying. You always were his favourite in Charms because you just knew how to do it straight away. Some of his colleagues are present and your friends, both Muggle and wizards. You were always a person everybody loved. You always were so natural. A flower. A flower that would never fade. Everybody is wearing a grave look on their face. I wonder how you might look now. Are you still as beautiful as I remember or do you have changed in the last two years? I wish they would grant me just one single short look at you. But they don't. Of course not. I am not considered a friend. But I am no enemy. Certainly not yours. Never. I prefer to burn in Hell than ever being your foe. Are you wearing white? Do you carry the flowers you were named after with you? Is your hair loose or bound together? Just one single look, please. The world never understood that we loved one another. They try to ignore it. Bastards. I know you chose him because you had to, because a relationship between us two would be impossible. We were both aware of that. So you chose him. But we always knew that our love was stronger and deeper than yours. He has finally accepted the truth, with a heavy heart. Still, he felt that you loved him too, which made it all more bearable.  
  
You are both walking side by side. Or should I say you are carried? Your coffins are both black. I guess yours is the smaller one. A black coffin for a pure white flower. How utterly tasteless! I would have put you in a glass coffin so you could always see the sky. And that the world could admire your perfect beauty. But people never ask me for advice. Imagine, what a foolish thing to do. Finally, the ceremony has arrived to the six feet deep hole in the ground. Wooden bars keep you at the surface. Dumbledore is the first one to talk. He talks of glory, of peace and freedom. Of heroism and of love. You know the truth, Headmaster. You know it so damn pretty well. Why don't you tell them the truth? Do you know I am out here spying on you? You always seemed to know everything. Do you do it today? People now start to sob loudly. Yes, you, him and your son might have saved the wizarding world but the cost was much too high. Now Remus speaks. His voice is steady, he does not stutter once, but it is filled with sadness and grief. He tells you how much you mean to him, both of you. That with you once in his life he was accepted, despite the fact of being a monster monthly. How much he will miss you. And that he wishes you peace. Finally, Black is stepping forward. The pure sight of him makes me want to vomit. He begins to stammer a few, incoherent words, then he breaks down in tears and starts to hug both your coffins like a madman, howling like a dog. Remus and Hagrid instantly rush forward and manage to pull him off with united force. Then, you are lowered underground. People throw flowers and earth down on you. I can make out various types of flowers, but not a single of that one you deserve the most. Everybody helps in covering you with earth, so only the stone and the small heap of earth indicates your position. After standing for a while around you, the crowd finally retreats, crying and whispering. I wait until the noise disappears completely and I can sense no presence around me but my own. I decide to leave my hiding place and approach your --- grave. It is so hard to accept the truth, that you now are dead and gone. Earth to earth, ashes to ashes. It is so hard not to give in. I once promised you I would never cry if you'd die. But when I did, I was persuaded you would outlive me. Sorry, I have to fail you this once.  
  
The stone is made of white marble. Too cold for you, in my opinion. I stare at the inscription, seeking to finally realise and accept the truth. But once again, I fail. What I read takes my breath away as it hits me with full impact.  
  
Here lie together in love and eternity, James Potter 12. 07. 1968 - 31.10. 1981 and Lily Potter, born Evans 13. 04. 1969 - 31.10.1981. You will forever remain in our memory.  
  
  
  
How touching. He has won in the end. I am just an observer from the outside, now you are lying forever beside him and I can never ever get anymore through to you. With shaking hand, I lay down the flower I held in my hand all the time. A lily, white as snow. The only one you received today. In my opinion, it means so much more than an enormous bunch of red roses, because it symbolises perfectly who you are. Who you were. After what seems to be an eternity, I take my leave of you. But only physically, as I will always be bound to you mentally. The sun is setting as a big red ball in the horizon. I'll leave you here in peace for your eternal rest. 


End file.
